I hate all girls vehemently.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
