why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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