My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize