I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
