I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
