I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
