how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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