My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
