I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
