I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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