i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
