I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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