She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've blown a few things in my day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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