Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
