so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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