I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
