I can text with my tongue
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
