how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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