fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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