i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
