youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
