You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
