Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
