There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
