He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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