i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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