i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
