Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
