you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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