the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
