It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
