i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
