I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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