he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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