worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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