i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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