Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
