Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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