Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
