Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
