I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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