Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
