Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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