Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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