I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
