Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
