every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
