there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
