she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
two words...techno handjob
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
