Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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