Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
