His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
