it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
