my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
