When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
