I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
