I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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