Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
