dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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