Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
what the fuck happened to the tacos
where are my eyebrows?
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