I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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