My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ok first of all what the fuck
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
