Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize