I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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