I hope mine doesn't look like that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
