Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
