You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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