also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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