I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
