When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
