hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
