I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
