naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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