if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
