omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
