I will die if light touches me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
