You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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