Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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