Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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