I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
